Imaginary Conversations #002
The one where Sonny Bill Williams and LeBron James are Danish for some reason.
‘Imaginary conversations’ may have come from actual conversations, or conversations that were overheard, or from one of the Group Chats, or from a conversation that might have happened, or from part of a conversation, or maybe from a combination of any of those. They might also be entirely made up.
(A phone is ringing)
(The phone is answered)
“…”
“Eyyyyyyy”
“…”
“Not much, not much. You?”
“…”
“I dunno, just calling.”
“…”
“Yeah—Ey, you heard Sonny Bill became Muslim, yeah? So, what I—”
“…”
“Which one? How many are there?”
“…”
“Sonny Bill Williams, rugby, boxer, played league, you know, all-round athlete, ‘Sonny Bill, magical offload, and yes, another try to the ABs-s-s-s-s.’”
“…”
“Yes.”
“…”
“So he became Muslim, right—well what I was thinking is like what if he’d become Danish?”
“…”
“What do you mean, ‘what’? ”
“…”
“Yes, Danish, like—”
“…”
“How would he? There’s probably a process, like you could apply—but that’s not what I was—”
“…”
“I know being Muslim and Danish are different types of things.”
“…”
“Okay, just—”
“…”
“Jeez, okay then, well. Okay. So. Danish people do patronyms for their names, right? Like I knew this guy whose last name was Johansson, so basically you knew his father was named Johan.”
“…”
“I didn’t actually ask.”
“…”
“Okay, next time I see him I’ll tell him you wanted to know.”
“…”
“Anyway, so if your father’s name was Per, you’d be a Person.”
“…”
“Hey, I don’t make the rules. Anyway, Sonny Bill, if he was Danish, and he had a son, and he named the son Sonny, his son’s name would be Sonny Sonny-Billson, wouldn’t it?”
“…”
“Come on, that would be an awesome name.”
“…”
“It’s actually brilliant, is what it is.”
“…”
“He might. Famous people do that. You heard of George Foreman? Twenty kids, all named George. Even the girls.”
“…”
“You haven’t heard of George Foreman? … How about LeBron James?”
“…”
“Yes, and one of his kids is named Bronny, which is basically like naming him LeBron as well.”
“…”
“LeBron LeBronson, cool name right? They should become Danish too.”
“…”
“Bronny LeBronson.”
“…”
“LeSon? I don’t think that’s how it works. Maybe if they were French.”
“…”
“Right.”
“…”
“Hell, I knew a guy called John Johnson, you don’t even have to be famous.”
“…”
“Anyway, Sonny Bill. Sonny Sonny-Billson. If they made a generational naming plan they could get some great names, like Sonny Sonnyson or Sonny Bill Sonnyson, cool right?”
“…”
“Ah, come on.”
“…”
“Sonny Sonny-Billsonson? I don’t know how you’d get to that one.”
“…”
“Maybe if there was a Sonny Billson first.”
“…”
“Wilson Billson. ‘The name’s Billson … Wilson Billson.’”
“…”
“‘I don’t expect you to talk, Mr Sonny-Billsonson’ …”
“…”
“I’m right, aren’t I, he should have become Danish instead.”
“…”
“Guess you could be both at once, yeah of course, like—“
“…”
“Oh you gotta go? All right. I’m right, though, he shoulda—“
“…”
“Okay. Bye.”
Sponsor-presented message:
This post is brought to you by the magical offload passes of Sonny Bill Williams. (Archived)
Sponsor-presented message:
This post is also brought to you by this meticulous investigation of patronymic names in English.