Imaginary Conversations #001
The one about Meat Loaf (not meatloaf).
‘Imaginary conversations’ may have come from actual conversations, or conversations that were overheard, or from one of the Group Chats, or from a conversation that might have happened, or from part of a conversation, or maybe from a combination of any of those. They might also be entirely made up.
(A phone is ringing)
(The phone is answered)
“…”
“What’s upppppppp.”
“…”
“What is upppppppp.”
“…”
“Hey, did you hear about Meat Loaf?”
“…”
“No, the singer.”
“…”
“His name is what? No, the singer.”
“…”
“Yeah, he died, did you hear?”
“…”
“Got Covid I think.”
“…”
“Yeah. You know what, though—does that mean we’ll never find out what the ‘that’ was? You think he ever told anyone?”
“…”
“You know, ‘I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that’.”
“…”
“I always assumed it was something disgusting, like … no.”
“…”
“I’m not saying it.”
“…”
“No, but what if it was something else, like … like ‘I would do anything for love, but I won’t compromise my artistic integrity.’”
“…”
“Like it’s the 90s, and his partner is saying ‘This M-O-R stuff you’re doing is tired, Loafy, you gotta get with the times. Hip-hop, Loafy, rappin’. Ice ice baby, too cold, too cold! My man’s gotta be hip, Loafy!’”
“…”
“M-O-R means Middle Of the Road, basic inoffensive pop music.”
“…”
“And yeah then Meat Loaf is like ‘I hate it when you call me Loafy, you know I hate that’, and then he’s like ‘How dare you even suggest I do rapping, I am splitting up with you right now even though it will break my heart’. And then he decides to put it in a song, like Taylor Swift does, you know, mining your personal angst for truly emotional song-writing, but also, he doesn’t say exactly what the ‘that’ was, so everybody would all be like ‘What did she do to Meat Loaf, that devil woman!’”
“…”
“You have to say it’s plausible, right?”
“…”
“Oh.”
“…”
“Okay, okay, you don’t have to say it’s plausible then.”
“…”
“Well what do you think the ‘that’ was?”
“…”
“Yeah.”
“…”
“What?”
“…”
“What is wrong with you?”
“…”
“That’s just nasty.”
“…”
“You’re googling it? Googling what?”
“…”
“Okay.”
“…”
“What?”
“…”
“He didn’t write it?”
“…”
“His songwriter guy wrote it. Oh.”
“…”
“It could still be based on his personal angst; he might have told the songwriter guy about it.”
“…”
“You’re googling that too?”
“…”
“Really?”
“…”
“What was it then?”
“…”
“He’ll never ‘forget the way you feel right now’? What?”
“…”
“It’s in the actual lyrics? Oh.”
“…”
“That’s kind of weird though, right?”
“…”
“I could have googled it myself? I have to google everything now?”
“…”
“I’m not googling everything.”
“…”
“Why didn’t you google what M-O-R meant?”
“…”
“No.”
“…”
“Yeah, bye. Waitwaitwait. Are you there?”
“…”
“Quiz night on Thursday, right?”
“…”
“Okay, see you.”
Sponsor-presented message:
This post is brought to you by Meatloaf™. Yes, delicious meatloaf – it looks like a loaf, but it is made from meat. Bite into a slice … it’s meat! Meatloaf.